Greg McElroy’s Courageous Journey From Embryo to Liberal Media Deep Ball Denier

Courage.

It’s something that we always hear about but never really see.  It’s not a tangible thing that we can grab, hoist high into the sky and gaze upon like a Coker Deep Ball.

Courage is imaginary like fiction, but it’s as real as the hot Clanton morning sun that glistens on this Saturday…Courage, defines Greg McElroy.

As a fetus, Greg McElroy struggled to provide his mother with any form of push in the pocket so to speak.  His arms were human arms, that you can’t deny…but any contact he made with the womb that was noticed, was limited to kicks.

As he progressed to full term and was birthed that fateful day, the doctor handed him to his mother and Greg heard it for the first time in his life.  The Phrase that would grow to define him even as he became a vital member of the liberal media.

“It’s a boy, but I regret to inform you that this child will be unable to throw the deep ball”

Those words have defined the journey of Gregory Vincent McElroy a man who now enables offensive (Emphasis on offensive) football tactics like slants and screen passes to support his liberal agenda of ninnies with tiny shew arms to deny the deep ball.

I wanted to tell you about his birth first in order to set the tone to tell you the story of how Greg McElroy made the natural transition from “If not for gravity I wouldn’t be able to throw the ball to my feet” quarterback, to “blah blah blah liberal media agenda” Media man.

Greg McElroy walked into his interview office at the giant illuminati liberal media headquarters of the SEC in super liberal Charlotte, North Carolina.

Greg: Hello, My name is Greg McElroy and we were able to utilize liberal media plays to win a national championship in a game where I didn’t even have success by Liberal media standards.

Media Man: You’re hired!

That’s how it happened, folks.

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I lied, I’m back

hey, I know you love college football.

That’s the thing….So Do I?  Are things different now that Jake isn’t around to throw Alabama all the way to another Championship?  Sure.

Here’s the thing.  Obama’s America will soon be gone and with it…the Liberal media plays of the past.

What direction will this blog/twitter take without Jake?  The deep one.  I still love the deep ball.

Can anyone throw the deep ball farther than Jake Coker?  No.

Is the deep ball still the most important thing in football, er…life?  Yes.

Are there still members of the Liberal Media that deny Jake Coker?  Yes.

I’m back.  Let’s throw the fucking ball as far as we possibly can.  Roll Tide.

The SEC, Josh Dobbs, and the Book Man

Joshua Dobbs
“Aerospace Engineering” Major Josh Dobbs

The book man excuses himself to take a look outside, he knows that Tennessee Quarterback Joshua Dobbs is waiting in the next room, he is careful and calculating.

He has to be, because Dobbs is too.

He slides yet another book, full of formulas and figures, through the secret book slot installed in the John C. Hodges Library.  The book man understands that the knowledge on the pages is dangerous, but he’s committed to the cause. Every chart and figure locked in the books pages will inch the Tennessee QB closer to his ultimate goal. The Book man tells me that Josh Dobbs is majoring in “Aerospace Engineering” (He really used air quotes).

Here’s the truth, Joshua Dobbs has been studying the physics, radiation, and  societal implications surrounding the Coker Deep Ball.

Technically, this conversation never happened because I won’t reveal this book man’s name. Accordingly, all the other conversations I had with different book men representing different SEC programs over a two-month span never happened.

I’ve been studying the Coker Deep ball for only a year…but through sources that I independently verified and book exchanges that i’ve personally witnessed.  I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt Alabama’s opponents have been engaged in a multi-year mission to understand and evaluate exactly how far Jake can sling it.

I’ll update this story as more develops.

Hogs roll into Tuscaloosa

Alabama plays in a football game Saturday and since you read this web-log you know at least one thing about the game. That is because Alabama has a QB that can throw the Deep Ball.

Sad news is, Saturday Arkansas brings their own into the fray.

That is respected Gus Malzahn expert Bob Holt who doesn’t mince words often. He is a seeker of the truth and if Bob Holt says that Arkansas has a quarterback that can throw the deep ball then it’s true.

Worried?

Don’t be.

“CDB…If they have a QB that can throw the deep ball they might be able to beat us?”  Quit crying like a liberal crybabbie and listen to me.  There is no one on planet earth that can throw the deep ball like Jacob Coker.  God didn’t make any aliens in the garden of eatin so it’s pretty safe to say no one in the universe can throw the deep ball like Jacob Coker.

Tide Rolls.  Jake slings it deep. CDB out

Fearing the deep ball

CokerdeepBall

Athens, GA

October 3, 2015

People spent a lot of time this week discussing a Tropical Storm Hurricane approaching the quaint little town of ass-ends Jawja.  This swirling weapon of destruction packed an ocean of energy into one powerful instrument of death set to reign terror on the antebellum south unseen since Paula Deen was victimized by the liberal media despite having at least 3 black friends. Forecasters say the storm won’t make landfall on the east coast.

Their right, Jacob Coker’s arm will stop in Athens.

Realize if you will all storm concerns shared this week were actually University of Georgia bulldigs fans concerned about the unreal power and destruction that the deep ball brings to America and College football.  3-time Anniston Star reporter of the week Joe Medley said it best in his historical, trend-setting column from 2014.

But there will come that game or two where Alabama needs the long-ball threat to scare a defense.

Here’s the full column if you want some TRUTH

Those games have come…and Defenses are SCARED.

In 2014 Blake Sims tried to throw the deep ball but he’d do it and the defenses would be scrambling to recover and chase after the deep ball. In 2015?

They. Fear. It.

[tweet https://twitter.com/CokerDeepBall/status/650304594560446464]

Think they’d have been there waiting for a weak Sims Deep ball? Nope.  because they didn’t FEAR it.

You don’t win games by people not FEARING you.  That’s the only way to really win in life.

That’s how you win games folks, not by scoring points or getting “receptions” you’ve got to have it embedded deep in your oppponents mind that you’re going to unsheathe your qb’s massive arm and let him guide his balls as far and as hard as possible into the grass field.

Georgia has the fear of the deep ball, and they should be afraid.

Be Very Afriad.

[tweet https://twitter.com/CokerDeepBall/status/649591680677474304]

Deep in the Beef

Cokerdeepball

September 28, 2015

Twitter, America

The whole point of this websight was to teach you the ways of understanding the deep ball, but today I think it’s important to understand the way the liberal media works in its quest to convince you that slants and fades and screen passes are anything more than Satan himself trying to hand your testicles to the Patriots ball-men.

First we start with a little piece of history, in 2008 Julio Jones decided that he would attend the university of Alabama….a highly touted recruit at the time who had the ability to catch lots of deep balls…Although John Parker Wilson and Greg McElroy were the only options…So, he was forced to ignore his true ability.

Jacob Coker was only 15 at the time, his arm was ready though.

Anyway Luginbill said of the decision that Jones had “Made his bed, and now he would have to lay in it”

FAST FORWARD TO YESTERDAY AND A TWITTER EXCHANGE MORE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE THAN LANE KIFFINS PLAYCALLING

Not sure what happened here..or if Loogs tried to be civil in DM but Cecil Hurt comes with THE FIRE AND INTENSITY OF JACOB COKER STANDING IN THE POCKET ON JUPITER AND NEEDING TO CUT ONE LOOSE TO ALPHA CENTAURI 

That’s what we call putting some shit on front street ladies and gentlemans. Cecil Hurt doesn’t just want to win a twitter exchange. He wants to see your flayed corpse being dismembered and eaten whilst your ancestors watch on from the Elysian fields.

So where do we go from there?

Tom decides to play this one straight…He’s obviously on his heels here and facing pressure in the pocket.  Were he in possession of ARM TALENT he would sling some heat. Instead Cecil returns with another blow.

HOLY SHIT WE HAD THE SETUP AND THEN THERE’S THIS CONCLUSION TO THE RIGHT-LEFT COMBONATION

That should be it but then there’s some more passive-aggressive barbs before this fizzles down into nothingness.

BUT WAIT WE’RE NOT DONE HERE

This concludes today’s session in Media Beef.  Stay tuned for the Georgia preview set to come friday.

-CDB

Lousiana Monroe Preview

They lost a game.

I know , I know…The sky is falling and the heat death of the universe is inevitable and your family will be raptured away and you’ll be left here on planet earth with scary liberals who are more likely to search “hot teen” then “Olsteen”

but it was just one game.

Remember the reason you’re hear tide fan…You wanted to see Jacob Coker throw the deep ball, and for some reason here we are and Lane Kiffin and Nicholas Lou Saban refuse to let him do so.  That might be due to a conspiracy by the liberal media….but I think there are more sinister forces at play here, first let me remind everyone what the 10 Commandments of the deep ball are.

Defender of justice Roy Moore with his rock hard unit.
Defender of justice Roy Moore with his rock hard unit.

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF THE DEEP BALL

I. The only thing that matters is how far you can sling it.

II. You need to stretch the defense wide open

III. Jacob Coker Throws the best deep ball

IV. Arm Strength trumps all else

V. Fades suck

VI. Slants suck

VII. Draws suck

VIII. Wins and losses are social constructs

IX. Dial up a deep ball after a turnover

X. Blake Sims can’t throw the deep ball

There it is, that last commandment is what I think we need to focus on heading into the matchup against lilweezyana backhoe.

BUT CDB HOW ARE WE GOING TO USE THE LAST COMMANDMENT BLAKE SIMS CAN’T PLAY HE’S 34 YEARS OLD AND ALL OUT OF ELLYGIBELITY?

Blake Sims, in his treachery and slants and quick easy screen passes have poisoned our dear Lane Kiffin into having Jacob throw the deep ball not as far as he can.

Lane Kiffin is a man, he is a man who likes to score…that is the problem here folks.  He’s putting his balls in a place where they shouldn’t be.  After having this “Success” on offense with Blake Sims Alabama and Lane Kiffin started to no longer throw the deep ball as far as possible, with JACOB COKER.

That’s like putting boxers on backwards so you can shit through the flap, folks.

Conclusion: Tide needs to let Jacob throw the deep ball. That is the only way to salvage the season.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Let’s make a rumor because we like football

Listen, anyone that knows me understands my affinity for how far a quarterback can throw a football.  I also appreciate fans that can sling it deep when it comes to making shit up.  It’s like my man Aristotle said “You’re only as good as your funniest fan” and there are some vols for life that made the Kiffin thing possible

CHAPTER 1: The Orgin

This all started with beardguy
This all started with beardguy

Rob Kannington rolled off the double mattress at 7:00 on Thursday and decided against a round of internet porno….instead he knows of a much more intriguing route to engorge his chode.

(He can’t hit the bottom but he can fuck up the sides)

So, he hits up the “I’m hearing” which is something that people do.  but no man is an island…even beardguy. leading us to

CHAPTER 2: LOAD EM UP

Anon baby
Anon baby

Anonymous twitter accounts are fun, especially when they deliver humorous content like

“I heard he was leaving to take his dream job as head janitor at the local Burrito la Casa.”

Get it!? Because he’d have to clean up rocket poop! As though no one shits after eating any other food….but now that our rumor has been IGNITED LIKE THE FIRE CAUSED BY A WAYWARD COKER DEEP BALL.  WE NEED SOMETHING ELSE. WE NEED CONFIRMATION FROM A GUY WITH A FUNNY ABATAR!

CHAPTER 3 : GUY WITH A FUNNY ABATAR WEIGHS IN

Trust me, I'm a man guy
Trust me, I’m a man guy

Now we’re doing this baby,

The” Co-host of on 1180 AM. Creator of . Fan of and sweet tea.”

has given this the final boost it needs to cause the world to shimmy.

CONCLUSION

I enjoy muppet based pornography as much as the next guy, but balls should ascend and not descend imo.  Kudos to vol fans for the Rumor Thursday fun!

Too bad there qb can’t throw the deep ball.