Deep in the Beef

Cokerdeepball

September 28, 2015

Twitter, America

The whole point of this websight was to teach you the ways of understanding the deep ball, but today I think it’s important to understand the way the liberal media works in its quest to convince you that slants and fades and screen passes are anything more than Satan himself trying to hand your testicles to the Patriots ball-men.

First we start with a little piece of history, in 2008 Julio Jones decided that he would attend the university of Alabama….a highly touted recruit at the time who had the ability to catch lots of deep balls…Although John Parker Wilson and Greg McElroy were the only options…So, he was forced to ignore his true ability.

Jacob Coker was only 15 at the time, his arm was ready though.

Anyway Luginbill said of the decision that Jones had “Made his bed, and now he would have to lay in it”

FAST FORWARD TO YESTERDAY AND A TWITTER EXCHANGE MORE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE THAN LANE KIFFINS PLAYCALLING

Not sure what happened here..or if Loogs tried to be civil in DM but Cecil Hurt comes with THE FIRE AND INTENSITY OF JACOB COKER STANDING IN THE POCKET ON JUPITER AND NEEDING TO CUT ONE LOOSE TO ALPHA CENTAURI 

That’s what we call putting some shit on front street ladies and gentlemans. Cecil Hurt doesn’t just want to win a twitter exchange. He wants to see your flayed corpse being dismembered and eaten whilst your ancestors watch on from the Elysian fields.

So where do we go from there?

Tom decides to play this one straight…He’s obviously on his heels here and facing pressure in the pocket.  Were he in possession of ARM TALENT he would sling some heat. Instead Cecil returns with another blow.

HOLY SHIT WE HAD THE SETUP AND THEN THERE’S THIS CONCLUSION TO THE RIGHT-LEFT COMBONATION

That should be it but then there’s some more passive-aggressive barbs before this fizzles down into nothingness.

BUT WAIT WE’RE NOT DONE HERE

This concludes today’s session in Media Beef.  Stay tuned for the Georgia preview set to come friday.

-CDB

Lousiana Monroe Preview

They lost a game.

I know , I know…The sky is falling and the heat death of the universe is inevitable and your family will be raptured away and you’ll be left here on planet earth with scary liberals who are more likely to search “hot teen” then “Olsteen”

but it was just one game.

Remember the reason you’re hear tide fan…You wanted to see Jacob Coker throw the deep ball, and for some reason here we are and Lane Kiffin and Nicholas Lou Saban refuse to let him do so.  That might be due to a conspiracy by the liberal media….but I think there are more sinister forces at play here, first let me remind everyone what the 10 Commandments of the deep ball are.

Defender of justice Roy Moore with his rock hard unit.
Defender of justice Roy Moore with his rock hard unit.

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF THE DEEP BALL

I. The only thing that matters is how far you can sling it.

II. You need to stretch the defense wide open

III. Jacob Coker Throws the best deep ball

IV. Arm Strength trumps all else

V. Fades suck

VI. Slants suck

VII. Draws suck

VIII. Wins and losses are social constructs

IX. Dial up a deep ball after a turnover

X. Blake Sims can’t throw the deep ball

There it is, that last commandment is what I think we need to focus on heading into the matchup against lilweezyana backhoe.

BUT CDB HOW ARE WE GOING TO USE THE LAST COMMANDMENT BLAKE SIMS CAN’T PLAY HE’S 34 YEARS OLD AND ALL OUT OF ELLYGIBELITY?

Blake Sims, in his treachery and slants and quick easy screen passes have poisoned our dear Lane Kiffin into having Jacob throw the deep ball not as far as he can.

Lane Kiffin is a man, he is a man who likes to score…that is the problem here folks.  He’s putting his balls in a place where they shouldn’t be.  After having this “Success” on offense with Blake Sims Alabama and Lane Kiffin started to no longer throw the deep ball as far as possible, with JACOB COKER.

That’s like putting boxers on backwards so you can shit through the flap, folks.

Conclusion: Tide needs to let Jacob throw the deep ball. That is the only way to salvage the season.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Let’s make a rumor because we like football

Listen, anyone that knows me understands my affinity for how far a quarterback can throw a football.  I also appreciate fans that can sling it deep when it comes to making shit up.  It’s like my man Aristotle said “You’re only as good as your funniest fan” and there are some vols for life that made the Kiffin thing possible

CHAPTER 1: The Orgin

This all started with beardguy
This all started with beardguy

Rob Kannington rolled off the double mattress at 7:00 on Thursday and decided against a round of internet porno….instead he knows of a much more intriguing route to engorge his chode.

(He can’t hit the bottom but he can fuck up the sides)

So, he hits up the “I’m hearing” which is something that people do.  but no man is an island…even beardguy. leading us to

CHAPTER 2: LOAD EM UP

Anon baby
Anon baby

Anonymous twitter accounts are fun, especially when they deliver humorous content like

“I heard he was leaving to take his dream job as head janitor at the local Burrito la Casa.”

Get it!? Because he’d have to clean up rocket poop! As though no one shits after eating any other food….but now that our rumor has been IGNITED LIKE THE FIRE CAUSED BY A WAYWARD COKER DEEP BALL.  WE NEED SOMETHING ELSE. WE NEED CONFIRMATION FROM A GUY WITH A FUNNY ABATAR!

CHAPTER 3 : GUY WITH A FUNNY ABATAR WEIGHS IN

Trust me, I'm a man guy
Trust me, I’m a man guy

Now we’re doing this baby,

The” Co-host of on 1180 AM. Creator of . Fan of and sweet tea.”

has given this the final boost it needs to cause the world to shimmy.

CONCLUSION

I enjoy muppet based pornography as much as the next guy, but balls should ascend and not descend imo.  Kudos to vol fans for the Rumor Thursday fun!

Too bad there qb can’t throw the deep ball.